To Evie with love

I found this letter in my drafts. For some reason, I never published it, but I want to now. It was dated December 19, 2009

Dear Evie,

The days slip by, the sun running mad dashes across the sky, and your babyhood is sprinting with it. When I was younger, I was always appalled when I heard mothers talk about milestones in a baby' life, and then confuse their children, not sure who to attribute their memories to (ie. "James laughed when he was 6 weeks old. Or was that Emily? I can't remember.")

You are so distinct from your brother, but I have a fear that watching these days swirl by so quickly will make me dizzy, and if I don't write down my memories of you, someday that will be me. I don't ever want to forget your babyhood-- it's fresh and sweet and fills every day with sugar and spice. Someday when you are grown, beautful and independent, I'll read this and smell your sweet innocence again.

Some of the things I never want to forget: I love how cuddly you are. You melt into my arms and are so content with your head on my shoulder. For Halloween you were a little rabbit, and it fit you to a tee. You are completely captivated by music. Whenever I sing to you, you smile your little heart out. You are so feminine, in a definite, immutable way.

Like your brother, your first interactive smiles came around 4 weeks old. But with Rylan, though he was a very content baby, he was an intent observer-- he watched everyone around him. Some family members claimed they didn't see him smile for months; he was so busy absorbing the world, he didn't frequently dole out smiles to the general populace (though we at home were more privileged).

You, on the other hand, are so liberal with your beautiful smiles. You lift everyone's heart, and when you watch people, you are waiting for them to turn to you so you can beam at them. In church on Sunday, the woman sitting next to me said she had never seen such a tiny baby smile so much. Even at the store when I was shopping on Black Friday, I heard two ladies behind me say, "Oh! Look at that baby smile at her mama!" Sure enough, I looked down and there you were with stars in your eyes, smiling at me. I am so grateful for you. So tiny, and already lifting me. Daughter, you are already my friend.

Sometimes I am taken aback by your completeness. You can support yourself well now, and sometimes you'll just stand in my lap and gaze at me and I know you are the wiser of the two of us. Tiny enough to stand in my lap, with a spirit inside of you greater and grander than the sky. It humbles me. Being your mother is a privilege and an awesome responsibility. I know it will bring growth and joy, as it already has, my daughter. I love you with all my heart. You are precious to me.

Love,

Your Mom